Friendship is not as complicated as we make it seem– it’s simple really, two people who have something in common and decide to further their interest by communicating more and spending quality time together to grow in other aspects of their lives together.
One thing I have learnt about friendships is that not everyone who likes you wants to pursue a friendship with you! Sometimes our self-centredness causes us to overlook the obvious, some people just like your company but they don’t see themselves pursuing anything further than that. The only way to realise this is to stop looking for people’s affirmation in showing you that you are an awesome person and start believing it for yourself.
I honestly would have saved myself so much heartache had I realised how great a person I was. We tend to expect others to tell us how awesome we are instead of telling ourselves! We spend time with people who aren’t invested in us- just to hear those words.
I have also realised that friendships run their course overtime. They have to if you think about it- the things you were interested in whilst in highschool aren’t necessarily what you may be interested in now. You honestly can’t drag people into the things you are interested in now if they don’t want to come along with you. The best thing you can do for yourself and them is to let the friendship go. We struggle to let go of people who add no value into our lives and fight to keep them on a leash and tire ourselves dragging someone who is screaming for you to let them go…goodness,let them go! I am not in contact with some of my highschool and even varsity friends because frankly the friendship has run its course-I won’t be caught dead dragging someone with me when I can open my heart and allow people into my life who actually want to be in it and who want to share my new interests.
My most long-lasting friendships to date are those founded on Christ. I cannot emphasise how much joy I feel knowing that there is a friend who loves Jesus as much as I do. When we come together there is no effort-we just click, we just continue on from where we left off even if we hadn’t seen each other in years! This has got to be my best friendships yet- there is no grudge-holding, no one to remind you that you forgot their birthday or that you haven’t been in contact-there is no guilt in this friendship because this person is so focused on building their friendship with Christ that they don’t hold it against you when you fall short of doing things for them. I can’t describe what a blessing this friendship is because it’s like your heart beats in unison, all you talk about is the present and future, this friendship builds you up to grow more in Christ, to be a better person for humanity and to continue striving towards your purpose on this earth!
Some friendships fail because you feel like you have been taken for granted. We all have that friend who calls you just to borrow money or who calls you because you are their agony aunt! I especially can’t deal with this type of friendship because the person will act all downtrodden, they will seem helpless and hopeless without you-drain you of the little joy you have and dump all their heaped up emotional garbage for you to sort out-if that wasn’t enough, run for the hills and continue with life with other people who see them in their peak and leave you in the dust to sort through the mess that they have left with you! They will tell you about all the fun they had with so and so, all their trips and expeditions (as if you don’t have a life) and leave you drained.
The one friendship I have learnt to be VERY weary of is the manipulative one. This person knows the buttons to push, they know how loving and caring you are and they use that to their advantage. This person will subtly remind you that without you they have no one, they will bring your hopes up-make you seem like you are the only true friend they have and once they are done or have gotten what they wanted-leave! These are the dangerous ones because they bring false hope-they make you believe that the friendship you have has a future, they make you believe that you are the best thing in their life-whilst you are still on that high, you see them doing the same thing to someone else and totally ignoring you. The best way to deal with this friend is to distance yourself from it. In this friendship, the person always wants their victims close by in order to feel good about themselves. Run from this person, they have a way of ensnaring you back into their net when you try to exit.
Like I said previously, friendships are very simple. Always ask yourself one thing with all your friendships- is it building me or is it tearing me down.
If it is tearing you down, cut it off! Don’t even try and justify it or sit and analyse it-just cut it off- it’s like these people can sense once you start creating distance.
Nurture the friendships that build you up-very often we neglect those who truly celebrate us and who take the time to value us.
Please show some appreciation for the friends who have been there for you ,friends who have told you the truth even when it hurts and friends who have tolerated all your baggage and never left your side-it is very disheartening if this friendships fails because finding people who are truly authentic is very hard to come by.