Will it even matter?

Our obsession with materialism and superficiality has led me to take some time to really look at the fundamentals of life-to really step back and look at the bigger picture.

The bigger picture is this in most instances- we are born, we learn to walk,talk and all the development milestones that come with this stage of life; we become more aware of ourselves, carve out our identity; we branch out into the world by ourselves; we discover someone we find compatible with ourselves; we marry and see the need to expand-thus have children; we get old and frail and ultimately,yes-we die!

The beauty of this bigger picture is that LIFE happens in between, memories are built to accompany this bigger picture-struggles and challenges are met along the way, victories and joys come besides us. The beauty is that we adapt to circumstances we never knew we could possibly overcome, we make new friendships, salvage the ones that were once lost-we discover new hobbies and interests…my point is : WE LIVE!

The question is-in your living, what are you building? what are you doing with your time? If you look back at who you were five years ago-are you satisfied, can you atleast smile and say: “YES! I lived and I’m still living.” The fundamental truth about life my friend is that time moves, however, with time moving-you dont have to look back at your past and allow it to define your present; also- you don’t have to stop living because you feel like your glory years have passed-what about now? what about the future?

I sat one day and asked myself some real questions-basically what sparked this is that I have gained some weight, I looked at all my pictures from the past, the pictures I took at my most successful, pictures I took when deep down inside I was supposed to be most proud of myself, instead, most pictures I looked at I kept thinking how fat I had felt in them, how concerned with my image I was- back then I was a shadow of who I am now,but I wasn’t content. I continued to be critical and judgemental towards myself-heck, I can’t even remember the joy and fulfillment of being in the moment without entertaining harsh thoughts towards myself.

I remember looking at people in critical care, people in palliative care fighting to have a chance to have a decent quality of life-fighting to ward off the pain that came with illness, fighting to walk out into the sunshine and feel the sun on their skin, fighting to feel their legs carry them without feeling like a burden to others- and here I was busy disqualifying myself over things that really don’t matter-busy messing with my bigger picture instead of embracing it.

The thing is when you are at your deathbed-the thoughts that erode your mind aren’t going to be about your weight or what a bad public speaker you think you are, no, the thoughts I believe that come at you like a violent force are- why didn’t I run more? Why didn’t I make more of a difference in my family? What would have happened if I wrote that book?  I should have reached out to my siblings more, I wish I attended more plays that my children participated in, how did I miss the stages of my life-the growth and transformation?

The thing is my friend-regret is an open wound, we may find ways to adapt to its pain-but it remains there. The question essentially is-will it even matter that you don’t speak or write so well,that you feel you might not look so great, that you don’t have much money or you have alot of money? At the end of the day-you leave it all behind, it stays where you found it!

The most regrettable thing other than having all these things or not even having them is failure-failure to be free, failure to do the very thing that you are afraid of; and that is becoming who God called you to be, becoming YOU!

One moment you are fat-the next you are skinny, who cares. One moment you are rich, the next you are poor; you have many friends you have few friends. Does it even matter to please people, when people are just fickle. People are so fickle, they are unstable, they lack consistency-yet, we invest our all in seeking their approval and ultimately, they let us down-time and time again.

The irony is that you will read this right now and it’ll make sense, you may even ask yourself,”Lord, why do I do what I do? when I should be seeking you more and pleasing only you, because you never disappoint.” You will read this and ask yourself these kind of questions but as soon as you walk away from your screen, you will succumb right back into that prison that continues to hold you captive-the prison that you set up-the prison of your mind.

Isn’t that funny?

Why can’t you just be strong and courageous by doing what you are meant to do-what you were created to do by just trusting God and being secure in who He says you are?

Will the things you hold onto even matter when the King of Glory is before you?

Does it even matter?

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2 thoughts on “Will it even matter?

  1. Just what I’ve been struggling with myself… Where am I… As in the person I used to be…. Looking outside instead of inside me for Me. Accepting the beauty that is US as we were made, not as manufacturered by man. Enjoying the Now instead of either the past or future. We have Now. And we fret for the past or future.
    I am going to embrace Me as I am, warts and gray hair. Thanks for the insightful message.

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  2. I’ve been trying to look for Me in myself for a while. This limited my enjoyment and appreciation of most moments as I was measuring experiences with the past or what might be… The future. Thank you for reminding me that I am. I am. Am. Not was… Or will be. All I have is now. So I must savour Me as I am Now, warts and gray hair. Thats is who God is working with. Me Now.
    I will have more awareness. Everything else is immaterial. Transient. But God’s everlasting.

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