Loving someone who doesn’t love you


There is nothing more painful in this world than knowing that you love someone dearly, but they don’t love you back. There is no higher form of rejection than that kind. I don’t know if you have seen children playing and one comes with toys to also join in-and the others just all pack up and leave that child behind. It stabs at your heart just witnessing it-now imagine what it does to that child’s heart-it’s a break in the heart that no amount of reassurance can mend.

I know what it feels like to love someone who doesn’t love you back; I’ve been there.

You feel like something is wrong with you, you feel like you are not enough-inadequate in every sense of the word. The sad thing is that comparisons start to creep in and you feel like someone else would be better for that person , you feel like maybe if you were smarter, better looking that person would love you back. I have witnessed people change who they were to try and be loved, I once heard one woman say : “he loves blondes-so I will dye my hair blonde and have long hair if that’s what it takes to keep him.”

Beloved-that statement crushed my heart because every single day this person hopes and prays that one day they will be noticed, they will be affirmed, they will be valued-they will be loved. but that day never comes! You start living in this false hope that this person will change, you even start making excuses for them as to why they can’t love you the way you deserve to be loved.

My question is- how did you even value yourself less to be stuck in a situation like that? How did you look down on yourself to find yourself so dependent on another human to validate your being? Do you honestly believe that you can’t be loved? Do you honestly believe that there isn’t someone in this world who can understand and value all of you?

I look back now and realise that I had traded in unconditional love for superficiality. I traded in my value to become a replica of someone else so that I could experience love-yes beloved, I became that desperate once in my life. I became that desperate because in all honestly I didn’t see what my value was as a person, I needed someone else to see that in me.

This made me realise that Jesus goes through this with us everyday-He waits, he knocks, He waits again but in all that , he loves us even when we say :”not today Lord.” He loves us unconditionally even when we stop talking to him for years, he continues to love us when we curse him for the hardships we have to endure, he loves us even when we stop doing his will and turn to other things to fill us up-Jesus remains there!

The lesson I learnt from Jesus is that only he is capable of loving unconditionally-only he has that kind of heart that pursues man even in the face of severe rejection. I also learnt that you can’t force someone to love you-you can only demonstrate that love and hope that they will see it and reciprocate it. He taught me as well to not base my love on someone else but rather to love people besides themselves-not to love because I am anticipating something back, but rather to just love because they need it. The Lord taught me to always remember that if I know my value in Him, if I know how priceless I am to him- I am able to love others without needing their affirmation.

Beloved-you may be stuck in a loveless relationship right now, you are considering divorce-you are considering separation. You are tired of holding onto to someone who doesn’t even acknowledge your presence, you are tired of trying to be the better person, you are tired of lying to people that you are happy when deep down you feel empty. You are tired of faking a happy marriage when you can see that this person’s heart is nowhere near you. Maybe you have even been deceived into thinking by being with someone else things will be better-maybe you have even indulged and broken the vows of your marriage.

I understand your pain

But, you need to acknowledge your actions and realise that because you never knew the love of your first Husband-you went and looked for a second-hand type of love. You need to understand that desperation will lead to to make costly mistakes that you will later regret. Beloved, in as much as you may want that divorce, the truth is no one can love you better than Jesus, if you don’t know that kind of love-you will find yourself in your second, third even fourth marriage and you will find yourself cheating in between because you want to be loved.

We cheat on the Lord because we trade in His love for the superficial things of this world. I love my husband not because he loves me back, but I am able to love him because I know of a greater love than his. My husband may disappoint  me at times-but I always know who to run to in moments like that, I run to my first love-Jesus. It’s easier to love my husband because he loves me back but when I made my vows I chose to love him even if he might decide one day not love me back. It sounds crazy but what I’m saying is that the love I know the Lord has for me makes me able to love despite what others may do to me.

I’m not saying get divorced, and I am also not saying stay. I am saying stop the cycle of thinking a human being can love you the way you deserve to be loved-yes, some people may try but it’s never 100 percent, there comes a point where they may fail you. You have failed your children haven’t you? It’s not that you wanted to, but you are human-it happens.

Know the Love of Christ first-it’s complete! It fulfills our entire being. It transcends what anyone can ever give you. Run to him with open arms-he has been waiting to shower you with the love that your soul has been longing  for-he wants to drench you with his love-he want to shower you with praise. He wants to show you off to all the world, replenish your weary soul- he wants to love you back!

You belong to Him.


(Image : http://quotes.land)




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