Unreliable Friends

 

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Have you ever heard the statement : if you need anything, I am here-just call or sms I will be there for you?

I have.

I decided to use this affirmative statement  to help me when I desperately needed a friend and guess what? That person wasn’t there. You may say-yeah but they were busy or they were held up with something. True-but what about if this is the constant wall you hit? You may say-well it’s time to cut your losses.

See, you have people in your life that you can’t just cut off-I hope you get what I mean-you want to cut them off but the love is just too deep. It’s not a toxic friendship because you aren’t broken that this person is just never there for you, it’s just disappointing because you give them the benefit of the doubt hoping that they will uphold their word.

I have come to realise that some people are too self-absorbed to truly care about anyone else. They are good people and well-meaning, but they just can’t be there for others. What hurts is that although they are great to be around-they are just unreliable.

Some signs that you have an unreliable friend:

  1. They always promise to be there for you and when you need them they just bail out on you.
  2. The conversation is about them-the minute it becomes about you, they switch off.
  3. They make lame excuses why they had to drop you suddenly.
  4. They don’t honour appointments
  5. They are self-absorbed-everything is always about how busy they are or how their life is just so hectic

This isn’t a comprehensive list-it’s just an indicator of some of their character traits.

It’s important to learn to guard your heart-as a person you just can’t keep exposing yourself to someone who doesn’t prioritise you. It creates feelings of self-doubt and anger. Give your friend the necessary space and resume your life but create sufficient boundaries to safe-guard your heart.

 

Even when it hurts…I will praise you

I have so much on my heart, but I have been struggling to articulate it-I have been carrying all these things hoping that God would allow me to pen it down, hoping that I can express this myriad of emotions and experiences so that I can reflect on it and really take in what I am learning.

This year started off with it’s own set of challenges and man, bombshells got dropped on me-have you ever felt…lost? Like, God what is happening? I was so sure I was supposed to be here and now…this?! What is happening?

The frustrating thing with the Lord is that sometimes he just doesn’t answer when you need the answers at that moment, sometimes God will allow deep pain to come and he won’t even say ONE WORD! Does it mean he doesn’t care-no, but in those moments it feels like no one is there.

I am learning to accept that God is NOT predictable, I needed to learn that friends, that God is sovereign, he answers to no one-he doesn’t owe me explanations. It is hard to accept but necessary because even though he says I am his friend, but He is also my King.

I am struggling to pen the details, but here is an awesome song that sums up what I feel.

Be blessed, God is always FAITHFUL!

 

 

 

Pressing on…

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I have had to reflect  a lot this year, I have had to ask myself some deep questions; one of those questions was why do I actually believe in God-why do I actually declare Jesus to those I meet?

Worldly pressures at times can throw you in a place whereby walking away from God seems like the better option- holding onto your own strength and might seems better than trusting in a God who says is with you but whom you have never seen! I mean-why am I enduring troubles-why am I being patient in the midst of persecution? Essentially-why do I endure all that I do hoping that tomorrow will be better-what I am hoping for actually?

Friend, have you been so challenged in your life that you feel like everything will shatter around you but for some odd reason-you still continue, you still press on, you don’t understand how you are still moving, but you are just putting one foot in front of the other?

There came a point in my life whereby I asked God how he allowed me to be in the career I am in when at times  it feels like I am being thrown in a cage full of lions-everyday, and he expects me to keep moving-regardless of the trials I face! Sometimes I want to run-but I cannot, sometimes I want to hide-but this force within me says:  you aren’t born to hide, sometimes I want to be complacent but a voice within me says:  do everything as if it is unto me! I have wrestled with God  , I have begged, I have stopped praying, I have fasted for God to take me out, but one thing remained-God said I will overcome!

There are scriptures I read when I was happy and let me tell you something, the word of God sinks even deeper when we are hard-pressed, there is something about pressure that causes our hearts to yield more to God’s word. One of those scriptures was in James where he says we must count it all joy when we face trials of many kinds-for our faith is being made strong ( James 1:2).

Man, if you read that scripture to me a couple of months ago-I would’ve decorated it and posted it on my Facebook page with smiley faces because it sounds really nice, fast track to now- it is as real to me as the air I breath, it is so real because I am realising that my joy truly is not tied to the things of this world-God is allowing me to face what I face so that I can actually disengage my soul from being tied to what my flesh is tied to. The Lord says don’t fear the one who can destroy the flesh-fear the one who can destroy both the soul and flesh( Matthew 10:28).

Essentially I believe in God because truly there are things I have tried to do in my own strength in which I have found myself fail. There are things I have tried to pursue in my own strength only to have those doors closed when I had been so sure that they were opened! God has humbled me in a way only I can understand. I declare his name to those who don’t know it because truly he has transformed my way of thinking. I go through hard times but I always know that I will make it because each and every word he has spoken in the Bible has come true in my life. I have tried and tested the word of God and let me tell you-it is always correct! God’s word can’t fail-it will never fail.

I can go through trials and be hard-pressed knowing deep down that the Lord is holding my hand-he promised to never forsake or leave me.

I may face the lions everyday but none is greater than the Lion of Judah-none has overcome him, I carry his name, I am covered by his blood and I am guided by his spirit! The darkness was overcome more than 2000 years ago-God knows that even if the darkness threatens to consume us-it can’t because it was defeated! He can allow us to face the darkness because he knows that his light is greater and it already consumed it.

I believe because I have seen the Light, I believe because I am a light-I believe because I belong to the Light!

Blessings

 

Happy Happy New Year

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To everyone who read the blog, stumbled over, subscribed and even supported by suggesting what I should probably write about next- a very big thank you!

I pray that God blesses the work of your hands, I pray that he would turn your pain into joy-mostly I pray that you would grow in wisdom of who He is.

God bless

Fez

Ps – Don’t be afraid to comment, I really enjoy knowing what is on your heart.

Fezile, the one whom God loves

 

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It’s Christmas day and I am behind a PC 🙂

I couldn’t go to bed without writing this post-today I went to church and as I was sitting watching the speaker share the message I realised that God gave me life, God gave me time and God has given me love.

As I reflected on what my Saviour has done for me I was filled with tremendous joy. The word says we have every spiritual blessing (Ephesians) and today it hit me that everything the word says I have-I truly have.

As I reflect on my life, I realised that if I were to go to Heaven now-I would have peace, not only  because I would be in my Saviour’s arms-but I would have peace that I used everything the Lord told me to use and I have done what the Lord has said I must do-there is nothing more beautiful than that-to be in the complete will of God.

I used to think that if I had more money or a better house or many cars I would be complete-but friends, Jesus completes me, Jesus is my answer to the world’s deepest pain-Jesus is my everything.

I thank God that when he died for me more than 2000 years ago-he saw Fezile before him and he said I love her so much that I am willing to lay my life down for her. Jesus saw my whole life before him, my mistakes, my failures, my flaws-but even in all that-he still chose to die for me!

I boast of God’s love because honestly that love is the only one that hasn’t demanded me to be anything else than what I am. I know God loves me, I know that I am precious to Him and I know that I matter to Him. I know that when I am sad he feels my pain because he loves me. There isn’t anyone in this world who can ever tell me otherwise concerning God’s heart for me-I can speak confidently of that love because I have a relationship with my Father, I tell him everything and I know he hears every single prayer and he makes every effort to bring comfort and hope my way-because of the love he has for me.

God’s love humbles me because I don’t deserve it BUT he gives it to me regardless.

As we celebrate Christmas-what are you grateful to God for? As you reflect on God’s love for you-how have you grown? How has God’s love changed your life?

Let me know in the comment box below.

Blessings

P.S – If you need prayers concerning anything, just type in “pray” and the minute I see your comment I will pray with you-because YOU matter to God! 

 

 

I DON’T LIKE YOU!

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I struggle to understand why we hurt ourselves so much by doing this-forcing people to like us.  I want you to take the time to think about someone you dislike, is there ANYTHING that person can do to make you like them? Chances are…nothing right? Then why bother trying to be liked by someone who dislikes you?

We spend energy, time, and sometimes money impressing people who really don’t get moved by our presence. Think about that, their lives don’t get moved by your presence-meaning they don’t even acknowledge your existence! They really don’t care about you-but there you are breaking your back forcing yourself to be liked when essentially-you aren’t!

Let me ask you again, why do you bother?

You bother because you want affirmation: you want to be acknowledged by them, they hold some power over your life and you want to feel accepted, loved and normal. Someone out there holds your value in their hands because you have given your value over to them.

 What if someone valued you so much that they weren’t moved by your mistakes or any flaws that form who you are?

Thing is beloved you already ARE loved, you already ARE accepted and most of all Jesus doesn’t even want anything in return. You are loved unconditionally, no river is too wide, ocean too deep, mountain too high to express the depth, height, and width that is found in God’s love.

If you are cheapening yourself by thinking that you can buy acceptance then you are living a lie. Emotions can’t be bought, they are felt.Love cannot be expressed only- it is experienced.

When people love you their actions will demonstrate what’s in their hearts.

STOP focusing on people who are blocking your progression, if someone doesn’t like you, please send them off with a a basket full of goodies for their journey, why be bitter when they are creating space for a truckload of blessings?

Get to a point in your life whereby people’s departure out of your life doesn’t cause you to have a breakdown.

Always assess, if you did all you could and were not at fault-PLEASE open the front door FOR THEM and wish them well.

Let go of what needs to go and embrace what is coming to bless you.

You are enough
You are loved
You are priceless, treat yourself as such

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Letting go

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This is a reflective piece, I am really in a good place-almost bitter but definitely sweet. I feel like I have woken up-you know struggles sometimes can cause you to have a warped view of life-to the point that you don’t even see what God has given you.

My character was shaped this year,wow! I feel like I was in a furnace-like everything I held to was burnt right off me, all the people I thought were important to me turned to ashes right before my eyes, I was left vulnerable at times-but in all that God just reassured me to stay focused on Him, to trust him with his process concerning my life.

I am honestly a better version of myself, I say this because I don’t hold onto things like I used to, I don’t beg people to stay in my life anymore-it’s liberating to hold people in your life with an open palm so that they always know that when it’s time to go-they can always fly off. I don’t believe in failed friendships anymore-I am not a failure, I have learnt to eliminate that word from my vocabulary-instead I choose to see it as me having opened my heart and that person for whatever reason chose to live out their life without me-I didn’t leave , so how is it that I failed?  I am done with such labels.

I laugh more now-I laugh deeply and loudly, I have learnt to let myself go-to truly enjoy Fez, to feel her and embrace her. I give myself second, third and fourth chances, I speak kindly to myself, I eat without judging myself-I enjoy every bite of that burger and that lick from that ice cream. I held onto being skinny for so long and at the same time I didn’t realise how sad I was becoming-sad that I was holding onto a physique that just isn’t me. I exercise and leave with a smile afterwards, I eat salads because I want to not because I am holding onto something that drains me. I don’t pound myself over things I am not good at, I celebrate the things I am good at, I celebrate those who are good at the things I am not-without feeling envious or inferior!

I am honestly in a beautiful place-I am living, I am smiling, I am doing ME.

I decided to let go of certain social media portals, I have Facebook on my own terms ( I purposefully chose to have no friends on it because personally my friends live life with me, so I don’t have spectators as friends).

I thank God for my marriage-it has grounded me, we don’t stifle each other-we give each other room to grow. I am growing in my marriage-my husband is my biggest cheerleader-he allows me to be myself, he gives me room to make my own mistakes without judging me. I stopped trying to control things, I stopped striving to have my marriage look like someone else’s and I started enjoying the mould it was becoming. I don’t feel the need to shove it in people’s faces either-I have let go of posting everything under the guise that we are happy-I’m done with the hashtag life because why hashtag when I can actually live out my reality?

You may be reading this and maybe you are thinking that this is a self-affirming post, well-it is, I mean why look for affirmation out there when I can give it myself? That’s why we don’t let people go when it’s their time to go because we use them sometimes to fill holes that are gaping in our lives and when they don’t, we feel like they don’t value us! My dear-learn to value yourself first, once you do that-you will never NEED people to tell you what you should be telling yourself.

Get a pen, a piece of paper and start writing down all the things that you don’t need anymore, if a friendship is getting too hard to maintain-leave, love yourself enough to leave. Don’t expect someone to love you if you aren’t loving yourself-if you are complaining about a partner that never appreciates you-well, have you appreciated yourself enough to confront them that you deserve better and you will get better if they don’t treat you well? My husband always says that we allow people to do things to us-we permit people we have allowed into our lives to abuse us-I have suffered emotional abuse and he always says: “Fez, you are the problem, not them-you, because you are permitting it.” It’s tough to receive but it’s the truth.

I don’t expand my time on useless things anymore-time is a resource-it isn’t guaranteed but we treat it with such disregard. I am very jealous over my time-I realise that it’s limited and honestly I don’t know when God will permit for it to stop-but whilst his grace has allowed it to keep ticking, I guard it jealously, it goes to people who deserve it-I don’t just throw it around anymore. I am a scarce resource-I am a valuable resource. I love what Paul in the Bible says: don’t think of yourself too highly, he doesn’t say don’t think of yourself highly-he just said too highly. So I think highly of myself-I have to so that I don’t get abused and mistreated, at the same time I always keep humility as my tag team partner because you never know when the too highly starts too creep in (know what I mean, hahahahah).

On a serious note-let things go that don’t build you, let people go whose season in your life is up and lastly let yourself go by starting to live!

I heard this song on the radio the other day and I loved the message – In the words of Nicki Minaj : How dare we sit quietly and watch life pass us by?

Be blessed

 

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