People have this notion that marriage will solve the unhappiness that they may have deep down inside.
Marriage doesn’t solve it, if anything-it highlights it. You cannot go into such a commitment expecting someone else to bear the burden of making you happy-that’s unfair.
Marriage works well whentwo people who are WHOLE enter into it-that doesn’t mean you have to be perfect, what that means is that you have to know yourself, you need to know what it is you want and it is essential that you are fulfilled as a person. Disappointments happen because we expect the other person to be our world,we expect them to fulfill us-that burden is a sure plan for your partner to fail and therefore disappoint you.
Marriage is not a fairy tale, it’s not a scripted reality show whereby one decides when the fights will happen and when the overly romantic moments occur-marriage is real-things get ugly; what do I mean by that? Firstly, you will see just how mean a person you can be and how hard it can be for you to receive love-unconditional love. Marriage tests your commitment daily-there are moments you don’t wanna forgive your spouse because they’ve hurt you,there are moments you are tempted to leave in the bad times,but, your vows always keep you in check.
If God hasn’t chosen your spouse for you-man,flames upon flames are felt. The reason for this is that you will struggle to have grace for this person, you will always feel like they aren’t truly the one for you and you may compromise yourself a lot to try and accommodate them.
I have spoken to some people who were involved with different people and most say that once the relationship ended-the voice they heard inside made sense-the person just wasn’t the one, something just didn’t click.
I had that experience, I was with a man who was a good person,treated me well but he just wasn’t the one, we broke up continuously and each time we made up I was delusional enough to think God would change his mind-but God always reminded me that this man wasn’t my suitable companion (Gen 2:18).
Please don’t get married if you are tired of being single-sometimes we are single so that we can learn how to love others,marriage is not an escape-it’s a commitment-a daily commitment. Sometimes we are single so that we can be prepared and groomed for our person-you need to have grace for your person and grace is taught by the One who gives it in abundance-Jesus.
Someone once asked me : “how will I know he is the one?” The answer to that is your spirit-deep down in your spirit that niggly feeling of doubt won’t be there, the butterflies may be there but stronger than that will be your conviction deep inside that will see this person beyond their flesh. You will be able to see their heart and the beautiful thing is that this can only happen with your future husband or wife whereby you see yourself as compatible-with everyone else there will always be a compromise that you need to make in order to accommodate something about them that conflicts with your value or belief system.
Enjoy singleness-honestly, it’s a great time to know yourself, to do anything you want without having to consider someone else. In marriage you don’t have that freedom like that-you do have freedom but it’s on condition it doesn’t offend your spouse.
I think if I wrote everything I’ve learnt about marriage on here-this post would be longer- my marriage is beautiful because it’s like a garden; we weed out the lies,conflicts,anger and hurt (that takes effort,patience and alot of time) ; we plant joy,peace,love and growth and lastly we always maintain our relationship with God as the centre of our garden. We have beautiful flowers growing together, we plan our next garden patch and we tend our garden together because it belongs to us.
Marriage is as beautiful as you make it out to be-if you don’t put in the effort it dies, never be deceived to think that being with someone else will make you have a great marriage-if deep inside you have issues-they follow you through to the next relationship or marriage-sort that out first.
Always put God first, he is the Husband who will never disappoint you or hurt you, if you learn to run to Him in every situation-even when your spouse hurts you-you will be able to forgive them because you know of an unending type of love-Jesus, your first Husband.