What Marriage Is and Isn’t

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People have this notion that marriage will solve the unhappiness that they may have deep down inside.

Marriage doesn’t solve it, if anything-it highlights it. You cannot go into such a commitment expecting someone else to bear the burden of making you happy-that’s unfair.

Marriage works well whentwo people who are WHOLE enter into it-that doesn’t mean you have to be perfect, what that means is that you have to know yourself, you need to know what it is you want and it is essential that you are fulfilled as a person. Disappointments happen because we expect the other person to be our world,we expect them to fulfill us-that burden is a sure plan for your partner to fail and therefore disappoint you.

Marriage is not a fairy tale, it’s not a scripted reality show whereby one decides when the fights will happen and when the overly romantic moments occur-marriage is real-things get ugly; what do I mean by that? Firstly, you will see just how mean a person you can be and how hard it can be for you to receive love-unconditional love. Marriage tests your commitment daily-there are moments you don’t wanna forgive your spouse because they’ve hurt you,there are moments you are tempted to leave in the bad times,but, your vows always keep you in check.

If God hasn’t chosen your spouse for you-man,flames upon flames are felt. The reason for this is that you will struggle to have grace for this person, you will always feel like they aren’t truly the one for you and you may compromise yourself a lot to try and accommodate them.

I have spoken to some people who were involved with different people and most say that once the relationship ended-the voice they heard inside made sense-the person just wasn’t the one, something just didn’t click.

I had that experience, I was with a man who was a good person,treated me well but he just wasn’t the one, we broke up continuously and each time we made up I was delusional enough to think God would change his mind-but God always reminded me that this man wasn’t my suitable companion (Gen 2:18).

Please don’t get married if you are tired of being single-sometimes we are single so that we can learn how to love others,marriage is not an escape-it’s a commitment-a daily commitment. Sometimes we are single so that we can be prepared and groomed for our person-you need to have grace for your person and grace is taught by the One who gives it in abundance-Jesus.

Someone once asked me : “how will I know he is the one?” The answer to that is your spirit-deep down in your spirit that niggly feeling of doubt won’t be there, the butterflies may be there but stronger than that will be your conviction deep inside that will see this person beyond their flesh. You will be able to see their heart and the beautiful thing is that this can only happen with your future husband or wife whereby you see yourself as compatible-with everyone else there will always be a compromise that you need to make in order to accommodate something about them that conflicts with your value or belief system.

Enjoy singleness-honestly, it’s a great time to know yourself, to do anything you want without having to consider someone else. In marriage you don’t have that freedom like that-you do have freedom but it’s on condition it doesn’t offend your spouse.

I think if I wrote everything I’ve learnt about marriage on here-this post would be longer- my marriage is beautiful because it’s like a garden; we weed out the lies,conflicts,anger and hurt (that takes effort,patience and alot of time) ; we plant joy,peace,love and growth and lastly we always maintain our relationship with God as the centre of our garden. We have beautiful flowers growing together, we plan our next garden patch and we tend our garden together because it belongs to us.

Marriage is as beautiful as you make it out to be-if you don’t put in the effort it dies, never be deceived to think that being with someone else will make you have a great marriage-if deep inside you have issues-they follow you through to the next relationship or marriage-sort that out first.

Always put God first, he is the Husband who will never disappoint you or hurt you, if you learn to run to Him in every situation-even when your spouse hurts you-you will be able to forgive them because you know of an unending type of love-Jesus, your first Husband.

Be blessed.


Lessons I Have learnt whilst married

The ideas I thought I had about marriage were squashed quite quickly and instead reality set in for me-the reality was that every decision you make will always ultimately affect the other person. My husband knows the love I have for shoes-I have had to spend less money on shoes in order to focus on building what we BOTH want to achieve!

Marriage will cost you something– it cost me my selfishness! In order to make marriage work ,you are constantly giving and taking, you are constantly making decisions that’ll affect the other person even when you are alone.

A marriage without Jesus is doomed ,I have told on my husband to God multiple times and you know what-God has helped me out in moments I have felt overwhelmed by his actions. I have asked for wisdom from God in order to help me understand my husband better-I mean who better to ask than the Creator himself. In areas that my husband has fallen short-God is able to bring comfort and reassurance. My relationship with Jesus has grown stronger because I realise that He is my first husband, He is always reliable, always perfect and always loving-so if my husband falls short in an area I am able to love him unconditionally because I know that Jesus has given me the grace to be what he may have lacked to give me.

Comparing your marriage to others will create feelings of insecurity. Our marriage is unique because it has two unique people in it. We do things the way we do because it makes sense to us and we have agreed to do things that way. My husband enjoys washing dishes-I enjoy cooking, we have an agreement that he washes and I cook-there’s peace and harmony; some marriages the man won’t be caught dead in the kitchen-whilst that works for that couple-we embrace what works for us.

I have learnt to be a cheerleader! I haven’t bought the full attire, however I have learnt to cheer loudly and proudly! Marriage has two people involved who ultimately rely on each other to grow-I have learnt that when I stop affirming my husband, when I stop praising him in his accomplishments-he doesn’t feel like he has achieved much because his better half hasn’t acknowledged him. I have learnt to sit in the front lines and cheer him on because that is essentially how I see him grow.

I enjoy being a homemaker! I have come to enjoy making the house look and feel nice and clean, I enjoy cooking hearty meals and I love serving him! I didn’t wake up like this, but I sure learnt to be like this because I saw how excited he became every time he saw how the house looked and the warm meals that I had prepared.

The marriage you want to see is what you give. I have learnt that if I start slacking in loving my husband, things don’t move well between us. Marriage is work, it’s a choice to keep loving the person you are with better than you did yesterday. Marriage requires a fully committed heart-you have to be sold out to it, you can’t be double-minded about it

When the going gets tough-there are no exit strategies! We face each other-be it in silence or with cold stares until the matter gets resolved with true repentance and forgiveness. Just as side note-we had a disagreement with my husband the one time and he was like I’m sleeping on the couch! I was so taken aback by this statement because he has never said this before-I mean when we have disagreements we will still sleep in one bed-anyway, so he says this and I went to our bedroom in shock, then I was like-oh no he didn’t just say that, I went back out and said if you sleep on the couch-let it be forever, I never signed up to sleep on a bed alone! The night ended in laughter and my bed was occupied by its rightful owner-see, no exit strategies!