I’ve been trying so hard to ignore writing about this specific topic for some time but the Holy Spirit keeps on nudging me to share and help bring healing in your life.
Have you ever felt so broken that you honestly feel like you’ll never ever be whole again? Have you ever felt so broken that you lost hope in ever feeling joy again?
Brokenness has a root, always, sometimes it takes time to find that root but it’s always there. Sometimes we have to search deep – it may even mean going as far back as our childhood to search for why we carry certain feelings and react in a certain way.
I remember a time when I was so deeply broken I actually went into depression, I didn’t know how I was going to come out of that depression all I knew and felt were deep festering wounds-I couldn’t conceal them anymore with makeup, I couldn’t hide them with my personality, I couldnt bury them anymore with my prefectly manicured image, I was dying and like all things that die – they begin to stink. Emotionally I was a mess, I was broken. The root was years and years of disappointment and feelings of rejection from the absence of a prominent figure in my life.
The manifestation of my brokenness was a bravado image – I felt like I didn’t need anyone in my life. The reason I felt like that was because I didn’t want to be disappointed anymore I didn’t want to trust somebody only to be let down again.
The other way my brokenness manifested was was that I took on a martyr role and I just felt that I could do everything by myself and that I didn’t need anybody to help me. I became self-sufficient so that I didn’t have to rely on anyone to help me because I didn’t want to feel rejected again.
There are many ways it manifests, for some its co-dependency: being with somebody who is toxic for you but you continue being in that relationship because you feel like you are fulfilling a need in that person and you feel that the person cannot really exist outside of you; basically they’re good for your self esteem that’s why you’re there. For others it’s being in an abusive relationship( and abuse – mind you- doesn’t have to be only physical) for some people persistently being in that abusive relationship and hearing the abuser apologizing over and over again affirms they’re worth because deep down they struggle with feelings of worthlessness.
Holy Spirit just tapped me on the shoulder and showed me how to deal with brokenness, I want to share that with you so you may be freed from that bondage.
1. Confess what you are broken about, give it a name.
For example: I am broken over my marriage not working out, or I’m broken over how distant we have become with my siblings, or I’m broken over the rape or molestation that I suffered.
2. Who broke you. Give the person a name and imagine that you are talking to them.
For example : X you broke me when you left me. Or Y you broke me when you cheated on me.
3. How did it make you feel when they broke you
Example : Y, when you cheated on me it made me feel unsafe in our relationship, I feel inadequate, I feel hurt over what you did.
4. How did you contribute towards your own brokenness. Yes this is the part that we don’t want to own but knowingly or unknowingly we contribute to it as well.
Example : Y, when you cheated on me I contributed to hurting myself by not leaving, or by not setting up boundaries, or by not being firm enough with you to make you realise that behavior is not allowed.
Lastly – forgive the person and yourself
I forgive you for breaking my heart, I forgive you for leaving me for someone else and I forgive myself for habouring this pain for so long.
You can do this exercise without the person who hurt you being there, even if the person is dead – it doesn’t mean that the wounds they’ve left you with are healed – address it.
Pray that God strengthens you, pray that he opens up all those doors you’ve closed in your heart and even if it hurts – just know that healing is awaiting you and that letting go will bring more joy and peace in your life.
Be blessed. You are loved ♥