Seasons end.

A yellow autumn leaf suspended in the air over the forest floor

This is quite a retrospective post for me, I have had time to reflect on a lot of things that have happened in my life and I am quite happy to acknowledge the growth that has taken place in my life.

 

One of those things is realising that God places people in our lives for a season-and once that season ends you all have to move on.

I am reminded of the story about Elisha and Elijah-they shared a deep connection-so deep that Elisha saw what Elijah carried spiritually and asked for it before he departed. Elisha could let go of Elijah because he understood that the foundation of their relationship was God and not each other.

The mistakes we make in our friendships is that we don’t discern the times-we don’t know when it’s time to walk closely and when to walk away from each other-it doesn’t mean that the bond isn’t there-it just means the season to walk closely has come to an end and growth has to take place; God has to allow all that was imparted to take root without the other person so that we don’t end up idolising them.

I am in a season whereby I have asked God prayerfully about the season I am in in people’s lives and to be truthful-it has helped me guard my heart from bitterness. God has spoken so tenderly into my heart that it’s time to let that person go so that He can continue His work in their life-was it painful, ofcourse-but the beauty is that I have grown to realise that my season in their life is over-I imparted what I needed to and they imparted the same in my life.

I have really distanced myself from toxic friendships as well-I love those people but if we aren’t building each other up and we aren’t having sustaining conversations,it’s really ok to walk away. It doesn’t mean I hate you-it means I’m giving us space to appreciate the work we did in each other’s lives.

Also I have learnt that if someone excludes you from a season in their life- don’t fight to hold on-you’ll get hurt, pray for them and wish them well. God has really dealt with my heart to not allow bitterness to take root because it’s so tempting to start recalling how you were there for someone or how you helped them but God says “no,it was never about you!” It’s not easy cause you may feel like a used rag-but that is how the enemy robs us of the good things that we had learnt when we had that person in our life. Moving on doesn’t mean I have forgotten-it just means your part in my life is over and we will see each other again.

It’s amazing how selfish and entitled we feel to people-how we feel like we should know certain things about their lives and how easily offended we become when they don’t share those moments with us-so my hand is raised because honestly that’s how I was       ( and I’m still working on it.) God just made me realise that I need to review my boundaries with people I walk with-you may think you are best friends but you are actually treated like a colleague or a good friend. It isn’t that person’s responsibility to make you aware of what you truly are in their life-you need to be conscious of the boundaries in that friendship and stick to them so that no one gets hurt.

All in all, I am happy – I feel unburdened, I am able to give into things I am truly passionate about without expanding myself and what I’m truly thrilled about is that I am really appreciative for the seasons I have been in with different people in my life.

I am growing ya’ll!

 

Blessings friends.

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You’ve Never Failed Me!

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What do you do when you don’t see God’s faithfulness, when you feel lost ,hopeless and discouraged?

What do you do when all you know is the dryness of the desert-the sand in your mouth and the harsh conditions beating against you daily?

The Lord says call unto me and I will answer-but what happens when the dephts of your soul are crying out and the wells of your tears have run dry and all you can do is raise your hands and hope that the Lord hears you at that point?

I normally have answers for quite alot of things; I normally have a testimony I can tell you about approaching the above mentioned scenario-but sometimes God honestly places you in conditions that’ll feel like you are about to die; He doesn’t do this to kill us-but He does this so we grow and depend on Him daily.

At times I feel like my insides are bursting and groaning to just have the Lord touch me-to just hear his reassuring words-to just feel his embrace, but at times God will remove the tangible aspects of  Himself so that we trust in His Word-in His promise.

I don’t believe our Father watches us whilst we are in pain and continues doing His own thing-it’s not in His nature! The enemy has a way of capitalising on our most vulnerable moments to make it seem as if God doesn’t care-but that’s not true; as deep cries out to deep the Lord is right there ,He may not be responding the way we expect Him to -but He’s still there, He’s watching over us. He’s Listening intently on my prayers. He’s encouraging me to move forward.

As a Christian there’s no formula to living this life-trials and challenges are ever present in our lives but the promise we have is that God remains faithful-even when we aren’t-He remains faithful!

Like I said-currently I don’t have the answers to the scenario I painted earlier but what I do know is that Jesus loves us with an inexplicable and indescribable kind of love and His nature – his very character is that He is faithful.

For now that’s all I have  and that’s the encouragement I can give you pertaining the situation you find yourself in.

God is faithful.

The song below encouraged and ministered to me so deeply-I am hoping it does the same for you

Be blessed my friend.

 

Pic at the top : courtesy of (  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_KXsMCJgBQ )

Don’t stop praying!

God has been speaking to me in dreams of late, he has been showing me certain things that I honestly haven’t been aware of or I have, but minimized them. I realise that the people we consider our closest allies can actually turn out to be our enemies. I realised that the enemy is always at work to destroy but God is a constant force that doesn’t allow the devil’s plans to come to pass over our lives.

An area God has been hammering me on is the need to intensify my prayer life, to actively pray and speak life into things that seemingly look dead.

I am in warfare everyday but these days it’s become quite intense HOWEVER I have quit whining, feeling depressed and defeated and I am really fighting in my prayer closet.

One day I’ll divulge what I was up against but for now I’m winning. It is still dark but I can see the light shining through. It’s getting better.

I’m winning!

Don’t ever lose the fire to pray, even when you have no words, let your tears be your prayer-but never stop, you don’t know when your breakthrough will arrive.

 

Be blessed guys.

P. S thank you to allow the new friends of the blog that have joined. I appreciate each and every one of you I hope my blog helps to empower you somehow.

The same beginning but a new mindset

 

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As I write this I realise I haven’t blogged in quite a bit-needless to say, a lot has happened in my life, I feel like I have grown so much in my perspectives of life.

Last year was ROUGH, I  went through many painful transitions but God saw me through each and every one of them, I didn’t realise how broken I  was. I will elaborate at a later stage what I went through,for now I have accepted and I am at peace and for me that means so much right now.

I once watched this video that states that everyone is in their own time zone in life. Basically it’s similiar to saying one must run their own race. I didn’t really take it to heart then but this year I am able to appreciate that phrase so much more.

‘Our journey in life is different : we are not made to be identical, we aren’t made to look the same , get married at the same time; our uniqueness affords for us to reach certain milestones at different times of our lives.

Make peace with how your life looks currently, make peace with the stage you are in currently-will it change?

Yes, ofcourse! You aren’t 2 years anymore right? You grew up and started making up your own mind and forming your own views on things-life has progressed, so why do you feel like you haven’t progressed? The problem we all have is that we want to be better or further than someone who we think has it all together,that’s the issue we all have-competitiveness and feelings of inadequacy.

Accept the stage of your life you are in, it doesn’t mean that it won’t change, but accept that currently this is YOUR time zone,it’ll change as you transition to different phases of your life.

One way I have helped myself to accept my stage of my life is by really truly being in it: I limit the people who have access to my phase-I believe in rising silently. The people who are in my life currently are people God has allowed in and trust me they are helping me towards the next phase of my life.

The other way I help myself to accept the stage I am in is by limiting my exposure to people who are in time zones that I aspire to be in. I realised this created feelings of inadequacy and feelings of stagnancy which were all not true-I couldn’t appreciate my own growth because I was too focused on other people, I made those people my standard instead of focusing on the standard God has set for my life-Jesus!

The last way I have accepted my own time zone is by relishing in my achievements at that moment. I introspect on my victories and take all of them in. My husband always says when life throws a curveball-take out your trophies of life and see what God has pulled you from,derive joy and strength for the challenge from there.

Can I tell you something?

You have survived heavy ordeals, made mistakes but overcame; survived brokenness and shame, tripped and fell-sometimes you stayed in the muck, sometimes you joined others in their muck-but you got up, you picked yourself up with the little endurance left and kept on moving forward-you proved to yourself and to everyone else that the fight in you is still intact and you aren’t ready to quit!

You aren’t a quitter, grab your big girl or boy underwear and keep moving!

You are doing well!

You are making it!

Keep going!

Loneliness: a void so deep…who can fill it

 

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I was watching a documentary on Michael Jackson recently and it essentially documented his life and struggles. The part that touched me so deeply was how lonely this man was. Some people saw him like a god-he was worshiped,loved and praised but in all that he had one thing that plagued him deeply-loneliness.

No matter how much money you have, there is no ailment for this condition. Loneliness can erode one’s perspective and the reason I say this is because of the choices I and so many people have made.

I recently met a lady who was lamenting the years she lost after being in a relationship that yielded pain and hurt-I looked into her eyes and I saw disfigurement-brokenness. I questioned myself after hearing her story and I thought to myself -what would make a person stay in such a relationship if she saw what it was doing to her-and I realised that it was the fear of loneliness, she chose to stay because being apart from him scared her so much so that she took whatever abuse was hurled at her.

The thing about loneliness is how it creeps into your soul, one moment you are joyous and ecstatic and in a split second-you have this severe depression and longing-sometimes you don’t know what you are longing for but this overwhelming feeling of sadness overtakes you and you start yearning for someone to share life with; loneliness can drive you to settle for just about anybody because of that need for companionship and love.

Loneliness is scary because it can lead us to make wrong decisions to try and fill a void that may have been there for many years.

I remember how loneliness drove me into a deep depression, so much so that I stopped attending lectures at varsity and I took on an identity that was never mine-I started to listen to the voice of the enemy that told me that I am ugly, that no one will want to marry me, that I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s love and affection. I remember how broken I became because I had listened to these voices-I remember how lonely I was because by listening to these voices I drove myself into isolation.

Beloved in that moment-only Jesus could get me out, and he did!

I remember how tears became my prayer because words stung my heart too much to be uttered. I recall asking God if this is all I am worth-if my value was reduced to nothing, if I was born to be alone. Just writing this I can feel the raw pain that I felt on that day.

I don’t know where you are at in your life, I don’t know what the enemy has said to you; but I do know of a God so great who overcame all the hurt and pain in this world and his name is Jesus. Jesus honestly filled the void that no man could ever fill. Jesus continues to pour out a love so strong on me that in the times that I choose to be alone-I never feel lonely.

Maybe you are hoping to feel alive again,maybe you are hoping to feel loved again-I don’t know; but what I do know is that you matter so much to God and he will heal those wounds and he will fill that loneliness.

Turn to him, his arms are always open.

(Romans 10: 9-11)

 

What Marriage Is and Isn’t

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People have this notion that marriage will solve the unhappiness that they may have deep down inside.

Marriage doesn’t solve it, if anything-it highlights it. You cannot go into such a commitment expecting someone else to bear the burden of making you happy-that’s unfair.

Marriage works well whentwo people who are WHOLE enter into it-that doesn’t mean you have to be perfect, what that means is that you have to know yourself, you need to know what it is you want and it is essential that you are fulfilled as a person. Disappointments happen because we expect the other person to be our world,we expect them to fulfill us-that burden is a sure plan for your partner to fail and therefore disappoint you.

Marriage is not a fairy tale, it’s not a scripted reality show whereby one decides when the fights will happen and when the overly romantic moments occur-marriage is real-things get ugly; what do I mean by that? Firstly, you will see just how mean a person you can be and how hard it can be for you to receive love-unconditional love. Marriage tests your commitment daily-there are moments you don’t wanna forgive your spouse because they’ve hurt you,there are moments you are tempted to leave in the bad times,but, your vows always keep you in check.

If God hasn’t chosen your spouse for you-man,flames upon flames are felt. The reason for this is that you will struggle to have grace for this person, you will always feel like they aren’t truly the one for you and you may compromise yourself a lot to try and accommodate them.

I have spoken to some people who were involved with different people and most say that once the relationship ended-the voice they heard inside made sense-the person just wasn’t the one, something just didn’t click.

I had that experience, I was with a man who was a good person,treated me well but he just wasn’t the one, we broke up continuously and each time we made up I was delusional enough to think God would change his mind-but God always reminded me that this man wasn’t my suitable companion (Gen 2:18).

Please don’t get married if you are tired of being single-sometimes we are single so that we can learn how to love others,marriage is not an escape-it’s a commitment-a daily commitment. Sometimes we are single so that we can be prepared and groomed for our person-you need to have grace for your person and grace is taught by the One who gives it in abundance-Jesus.

Someone once asked me : “how will I know he is the one?” The answer to that is your spirit-deep down in your spirit that niggly feeling of doubt won’t be there, the butterflies may be there but stronger than that will be your conviction deep inside that will see this person beyond their flesh. You will be able to see their heart and the beautiful thing is that this can only happen with your future husband or wife whereby you see yourself as compatible-with everyone else there will always be a compromise that you need to make in order to accommodate something about them that conflicts with your value or belief system.

Enjoy singleness-honestly, it’s a great time to know yourself, to do anything you want without having to consider someone else. In marriage you don’t have that freedom like that-you do have freedom but it’s on condition it doesn’t offend your spouse.

I think if I wrote everything I’ve learnt about marriage on here-this post would be longer- my marriage is beautiful because it’s like a garden; we weed out the lies,conflicts,anger and hurt (that takes effort,patience and alot of time) ; we plant joy,peace,love and growth and lastly we always maintain our relationship with God as the centre of our garden. We have beautiful flowers growing together, we plan our next garden patch and we tend our garden together because it belongs to us.

Marriage is as beautiful as you make it out to be-if you don’t put in the effort it dies, never be deceived to think that being with someone else will make you have a great marriage-if deep inside you have issues-they follow you through to the next relationship or marriage-sort that out first.

Always put God first, he is the Husband who will never disappoint you or hurt you, if you learn to run to Him in every situation-even when your spouse hurts you-you will be able to forgive them because you know of an unending type of love-Jesus, your first Husband.

Be blessed.

Unreliable Friends

 

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Have you ever heard the statement : if you need anything, I am here-just call or sms I will be there for you?

I have.

I decided to use this affirmative statement  to help me when I desperately needed a friend and guess what? That person wasn’t there. You may say-yeah but they were busy or they were held up with something. True-but what about if this is the constant wall you hit? You may say-well it’s time to cut your losses.

See, you have people in your life that you can’t just cut off-I hope you get what I mean-you want to cut them off but the love is just too deep. It’s not a toxic friendship because you aren’t broken that this person is just never there for you, it’s just disappointing because you give them the benefit of the doubt hoping that they will uphold their word.

I have come to realise that some people are too self-absorbed to truly care about anyone else. They are good people and well-meaning, but they just can’t be there for others. What hurts is that although they are great to be around-they are just unreliable.

Some signs that you have an unreliable friend:

  1. They always promise to be there for you and when you need them they just bail out on you.
  2. The conversation is about them-the minute it becomes about you, they switch off.
  3. They make lame excuses why they had to drop you suddenly.
  4. They don’t honour appointments
  5. They are self-absorbed-everything is always about how busy they are or how their life is just so hectic

This isn’t a comprehensive list-it’s just an indicator of some of their character traits.

It’s important to learn to guard your heart-as a person you just can’t keep exposing yourself to someone who doesn’t prioritise you. It creates feelings of self-doubt and anger. Give your friend the necessary space and resume your life but create sufficient boundaries to safe-guard your heart.