The same beginning but a new mindset


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As I write this I realise I haven’t blogged in quite a bit-needless to say, a lot has happened in my life, I feel like I have grown so much in my perspectives of life.

Last year was ROUGH, I  went through many painful transitions but God saw me through each and every one of them, I didn’t realise how broken I  was. I will elaborate at a later stage what I went through,for now I have accepted and I am at peace and for me that means so much right now.

I once watched this video that states that everyone is in their own time zone in life. Basically it’s similiar to saying one must run their own race. I didn’t really take it to heart then but this year I am able to appreciate that phrase so much more.

‘Our journey in life is different : we are not made to be identical, we aren’t made to look the same , get married at the same time; our uniqueness affords for us to reach certain milestones at different times of our lives.

Make peace with how your life looks currently, make peace with the stage you are in currently-will it change?

Yes, ofcourse! You aren’t 2 years anymore right? You grew up and started making up your own mind and forming your own views on things-life has progressed, so why do you feel like you haven’t progressed? The problem we all have is that we want to be better or further than someone who we think has it all together,that’s the issue we all have-competitiveness and feelings of inadequacy.

Accept the stage of your life you are in, it doesn’t mean that it won’t change, but accept that currently this is YOUR time zone,it’ll change as you transition to different phases of your life.

One way I have helped myself to accept my stage of my life is by really truly being in it: I limit the people who have access to my phase-I believe in rising silently. The people who are in my life currently are people God has allowed in and trust me they are helping me towards the next phase of my life.

The other way I help myself to accept the stage I am in is by limiting my exposure to people who are in time zones that I aspire to be in. I realised this created feelings of inadequacy and feelings of stagnancy which were all not true-I couldn’t appreciate my own growth because I was too focused on other people, I made those people my standard instead of focusing on the standard God has set for my life-Jesus!

The last way I have accepted my own time zone is by relishing in my achievements at that moment. I introspect on my victories and take all of them in. My husband always says when life throws a curveball-take out your trophies of life and see what God has pulled you from,derive joy and strength for the challenge from there.

Can I tell you something?

You have survived heavy ordeals, made mistakes but overcame; survived brokenness and shame, tripped and fell-sometimes you stayed in the muck, sometimes you joined others in their muck-but you got up, you picked yourself up with the little endurance left and kept on moving forward-you proved to yourself and to everyone else that the fight in you is still intact and you aren’t ready to quit!

You aren’t a quitter, grab your big girl or boy underwear and keep moving!

You are doing well!

You are making it!

Keep going!


Loneliness: a void so deep…who can fill it


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I was watching a documentary on Michael Jackson recently and it essentially documented his life and struggles. The part that touched me so deeply was how lonely this man was. Some people saw him like a god-he was worshiped,loved and praised but in all that he had one thing that plagued him deeply-loneliness.

No matter how much money you have, there is no ailment for this condition. Loneliness can erode one’s perspective and the reason I say this is because of the choices I and so many people have made.

I recently met a lady who was lamenting the years she lost after being in a relationship that yielded pain and hurt-I looked into her eyes and I saw disfigurement-brokenness. I questioned myself after hearing her story and I thought to myself -what would make a person stay in such a relationship if she saw what it was doing to her-and I realised that it was the fear of loneliness, she chose to stay because being apart from him scared her so much so that she took whatever abuse was hurled at her.

The thing about loneliness is how it creeps into your soul, one moment you are joyous and ecstatic and in a split second-you have this severe depression and longing-sometimes you don’t know what you are longing for but this overwhelming feeling of sadness overtakes you and you start yearning for someone to share life with; loneliness can drive you to settle for just about anybody because of that need for companionship and love.

Loneliness is scary because it can lead us to make wrong decisions to try and fill a void that may have been there for many years.

I remember how loneliness drove me into a deep depression, so much so that I stopped attending lectures at varsity and I took on an identity that was never mine-I started to listen to the voice of the enemy that told me that I am ugly, that no one will want to marry me, that I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s love and affection. I remember how broken I became because I had listened to these voices-I remember how lonely I was because by listening to these voices I drove myself into isolation.

Beloved in that moment-only Jesus could get me out, and he did!

I remember how tears became my prayer because words stung my heart too much to be uttered. I recall asking God if this is all I am worth-if my value was reduced to nothing, if I was born to be alone. Just writing this I can feel the raw pain that I felt on that day.

I don’t know where you are at in your life, I don’t know what the enemy has said to you; but I do know of a God so great who overcame all the hurt and pain in this world and his name is Jesus. Jesus honestly filled the void that no man could ever fill. Jesus continues to pour out a love so strong on me that in the times that I choose to be alone-I never feel lonely.

Maybe you are hoping to feel alive again,maybe you are hoping to feel loved again-I don’t know; but what I do know is that you matter so much to God and he will heal those wounds and he will fill that loneliness.

Turn to him, his arms are always open.

(Romans 10: 9-11)


Even when it hurts…I will praise you

I have so much on my heart, but I have been struggling to articulate it-I have been carrying all these things hoping that God would allow me to pen it down, hoping that I can express this myriad of emotions and experiences so that I can reflect on it and really take in what I am learning.

This year started off with it’s own set of challenges and man, bombshells got dropped on me-have you ever felt…lost? Like, God what is happening? I was so sure I was supposed to be here and now…this?! What is happening?

The frustrating thing with the Lord is that sometimes he just doesn’t answer when you need the answers at that moment, sometimes God will allow deep pain to come and he won’t even say ONE WORD! Does it mean he doesn’t care-no, but in those moments it feels like no one is there.

I am learning to accept that God is NOT predictable, I needed to learn that friends, that God is sovereign, he answers to no one-he doesn’t owe me explanations. It is hard to accept but necessary because even though he says I am his friend, but He is also my King.

I am struggling to pen the details, but here is an awesome song that sums up what I feel.

Be blessed, God is always FAITHFUL!