The problem with not believing in yourself

I encounter many people in my day-day life and one of the things I come across is people who have a self-esteem issues.

We all have issues, the problem is when those issues hinder you from doing the work that you have been called to do. I have met people who were called by God to do great work but they have been running away-not because they don’t know that they are called-simply because they see themselves incapable of doing the work.

“wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”

Marilyn Munroe

I struggled with self-esteem issues for a long time-I struggle to remember a time when they didn’t feature. I remember that many leadership positions and opportunities were missed because I considered myself inadequate. I look back and I am grateful that I missed them-I think if I had gotten them I would have never dealt with the root issue of my problem – inadequacy.

Inadequacy! What a word-what an even overwhelming emotion.

Inadequacy when it isn’t dealt with leads to resentment. You end up resenting people that you feel make you insecure and the sad thing is that it leads to stunted growth-you never grow because you end up believing that you are not good enough for a certain position.

I have had moments of not believing in myself even though God would’ve qualified me for a certain situation. I remember reading Gideon’s story with new-found appreciation. Here was a man who grew up under oppression, was the least in his tribe and grew up hiding away from not just the enemy that surrounded him but hid away from the potential God invested in him. Gideon was so broken that even when God called him a man of valour he tested God’s word so many times so that he could feel validated as a person. Shuuu, it brings tears to my eyes because I was there! I was in that place of feeling so insignificant that I began to not only hide from my purpose but I began to hide from God.

How did I overcome this you might ask?

I owned the fact that I didn’t believe in myself-I stopped hiding away from that and I owned it.

I also confessed that I need the Lord to set me free from that stronghold-no matter how much praise I would get I still felt insignificant and Holy Spirit opened my eyes that I needed to be set free from this lie.

I affirmed myself using God’s Word and I spoke and meditated on it (I still do).

I removed myself from toxic environments and people who brought this emotion about in me.

It’s a struggle still but I can wake up each day and believe in the purpose that the Lord has instilled in me. I know that it is by His grace and strength that I overcome every stronghold that tries to attack my mind and essentially peace.

God has qualified you beloved-yes, you may have been overlooked in life, you may have failed at some things in life-but that doesn’t take away the purpose that resides within you.

Make up your mind today to believe in Christ-every insecurity was nailed with him on the cross-he calls you victorious and an overcomer!

Choose to believe the TRUTH!

The truth will set you free

John 8:32

Choose Life

Choose to walk in the beautiful destiny set before you.

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Brokenness.

I’ve been trying so hard to ignore writing about this specific topic for some time but the Holy Spirit keeps on nudging me to share and help bring healing in your life.

Have you ever felt so broken that you honestly feel like you’ll never ever be whole again? Have you ever felt so broken that you lost hope in ever feeling joy again?

Brokenness has a root, always, sometimes it takes time to find that root but it’s always there. Sometimes we have to search deep – it may even mean going as far back as our childhood to search for why we carry certain feelings and react in a certain way.

I remember a time when I was so deeply broken I actually went into depression, I didn’t know how I was going to come out of that depression all I knew and felt were deep festering wounds-I couldn’t conceal them anymore with makeup, I couldn’t hide them with my personality, I couldnt bury them anymore with my prefectly manicured image, I was dying and like all things that die – they begin to stink. Emotionally I was a mess, I was broken. The root was years and years of disappointment and feelings of rejection from the absence of a prominent figure in my life.

The manifestation of my brokenness was a bravado image – I felt like I didn’t need anyone in my life. The reason I felt like that was because I didn’t want to be disappointed anymore I didn’t want to trust somebody only to be let down again.

The other way my brokenness manifested was was that I took on a martyr role and I just felt that I could do everything by myself and that I didn’t need anybody to help me. I became self-sufficient so that I didn’t have to rely on anyone to help me because I didn’t want to feel rejected again.

There are many ways it manifests, for some its co-dependency: being with somebody who is toxic for you but you continue being in that relationship because you feel like you are fulfilling a need in that person and you feel that the person cannot really exist outside of you; basically they’re good for your self esteem that’s why you’re there. For others it’s being in an abusive relationship( and abuse – mind you- doesn’t have to be only physical) for some people persistently being in that abusive relationship and hearing the abuser apologizing over and over again affirms they’re worth because deep down they struggle with feelings of worthlessness.

Holy Spirit just tapped me on the shoulder and showed me how to deal with brokenness, I want to share that with you so you may be freed from that bondage.

1. Confess what you are broken about, give it a name.

For example: I am broken over my marriage not working out, or I’m broken over how distant we have become with my siblings, or I’m broken over the rape or molestation that I suffered.

2. Who broke you. Give the person a name and imagine that you are talking to them.

For example : X you broke me when you left me. Or Y you broke me when you cheated on me.

3. How did it make you feel when they broke you

Example : Y, when you cheated on me it made me feel unsafe in our relationship, I feel inadequate, I feel hurt over what you did.

4. How did you contribute towards your own brokenness. Yes this is the part that we don’t want to own but knowingly or unknowingly we contribute to it as well.

Example : Y, when you cheated on me I contributed to hurting myself by not leaving, or by not setting up boundaries, or by not being firm enough with you to make you realise that behavior is not allowed.

Lastly – forgive the person and yourself

I forgive you for breaking my heart, I forgive you for leaving me for someone else and I forgive myself for habouring this pain for so long.

You can do this exercise without the person who hurt you being there, even if the person is dead – it doesn’t mean that the wounds they’ve left you with are healed – address it.

Pray that God strengthens you, pray that he opens up all those doors you’ve closed in your heart and even if it hurts – just know that healing is awaiting you and that letting go will bring more joy and peace in your life.

Be blessed. You are loved ♥

Seasons end.

A yellow autumn leaf suspended in the air over the forest floor

This is quite a retrospective post for me, I have had time to reflect on a lot of things that have happened in my life and I am quite happy to acknowledge the growth that has taken place in my life.

 

One of those things is realising that God places people in our lives for a season-and once that season ends you all have to move on.

I am reminded of the story about Elisha and Elijah-they shared a deep connection-so deep that Elisha saw what Elijah carried spiritually and asked for it before he departed. Elisha could let go of Elijah because he understood that the foundation of their relationship was God and not each other.

The mistakes we make in our friendships is that we don’t discern the times-we don’t know when it’s time to walk closely and when to walk away from each other-it doesn’t mean that the bond isn’t there-it just means the season to walk closely has come to an end and growth has to take place; God has to allow all that was imparted to take root without the other person so that we don’t end up idolising them.

I am in a season whereby I have asked God prayerfully about the season I am in in people’s lives and to be truthful-it has helped me guard my heart from bitterness. God has spoken so tenderly into my heart that it’s time to let that person go so that He can continue His work in their life-was it painful, ofcourse-but the beauty is that I have grown to realise that my season in their life is over-I imparted what I needed to and they imparted the same in my life.

I have really distanced myself from toxic friendships as well-I love those people but if we aren’t building each other up and we aren’t having sustaining conversations,it’s really ok to walk away. It doesn’t mean I hate you-it means I’m giving us space to appreciate the work we did in each other’s lives.

Also I have learnt that if someone excludes you from a season in their life- don’t fight to hold on-you’ll get hurt, pray for them and wish them well. God has really dealt with my heart to not allow bitterness to take root because it’s so tempting to start recalling how you were there for someone or how you helped them but God says “no,it was never about you!” It’s not easy cause you may feel like a used rag-but that is how the enemy robs us of the good things that we had learnt when we had that person in our life. Moving on doesn’t mean I have forgotten-it just means your part in my life is over and we will see each other again.

It’s amazing how selfish and entitled we feel to people-how we feel like we should know certain things about their lives and how easily offended we become when they don’t share those moments with us-so my hand is raised because honestly that’s how I was       ( and I’m still working on it.) God just made me realise that I need to review my boundaries with people I walk with-you may think you are best friends but you are actually treated like a colleague or a good friend. It isn’t that person’s responsibility to make you aware of what you truly are in their life-you need to be conscious of the boundaries in that friendship and stick to them so that no one gets hurt.

All in all, I am happy – I feel unburdened, I am able to give into things I am truly passionate about without expanding myself and what I’m truly thrilled about is that I am really appreciative for the seasons I have been in with different people in my life.

I am growing ya’ll!

 

Blessings friends.

You’ve Never Failed Me!

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What do you do when you don’t see God’s faithfulness, when you feel lost ,hopeless and discouraged?

What do you do when all you know is the dryness of the desert-the sand in your mouth and the harsh conditions beating against you daily?

The Lord says call unto me and I will answer-but what happens when the dephts of your soul are crying out and the wells of your tears have run dry and all you can do is raise your hands and hope that the Lord hears you at that point?

I normally have answers for quite alot of things; I normally have a testimony I can tell you about approaching the above mentioned scenario-but sometimes God honestly places you in conditions that’ll feel like you are about to die; He doesn’t do this to kill us-but He does this so we grow and depend on Him daily.

At times I feel like my insides are bursting and groaning to just have the Lord touch me-to just hear his reassuring words-to just feel his embrace, but at times God will remove the tangible aspects of  Himself so that we trust in His Word-in His promise.

I don’t believe our Father watches us whilst we are in pain and continues doing His own thing-it’s not in His nature! The enemy has a way of capitalising on our most vulnerable moments to make it seem as if God doesn’t care-but that’s not true; as deep cries out to deep the Lord is right there ,He may not be responding the way we expect Him to -but He’s still there, He’s watching over us. He’s Listening intently on my prayers. He’s encouraging me to move forward.

As a Christian there’s no formula to living this life-trials and challenges are ever present in our lives but the promise we have is that God remains faithful-even when we aren’t-He remains faithful!

Like I said-currently I don’t have the answers to the scenario I painted earlier but what I do know is that Jesus loves us with an inexplicable and indescribable kind of love and His nature – his very character is that He is faithful.

For now that’s all I have  and that’s the encouragement I can give you pertaining the situation you find yourself in.

God is faithful.

The song below encouraged and ministered to me so deeply-I am hoping it does the same for you

Be blessed my friend.

 

Pic at the top : courtesy of (  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_KXsMCJgBQ )

Don’t stop praying!

God has been speaking to me in dreams of late, he has been showing me certain things that I honestly haven’t been aware of or I have, but minimized them. I realise that the people we consider our closest allies can actually turn out to be our enemies. I realised that the enemy is always at work to destroy but God is a constant force that doesn’t allow the devil’s plans to come to pass over our lives.

An area God has been hammering me on is the need to intensify my prayer life, to actively pray and speak life into things that seemingly look dead.

I am in warfare everyday but these days it’s become quite intense HOWEVER I have quit whining, feeling depressed and defeated and I am really fighting in my prayer closet.

One day I’ll divulge what I was up against but for now I’m winning. It is still dark but I can see the light shining through. It’s getting better.

I’m winning!

Don’t ever lose the fire to pray, even when you have no words, let your tears be your prayer-but never stop, you don’t know when your breakthrough will arrive.

 

Be blessed guys.

P. S thank you to allow the new friends of the blog that have joined. I appreciate each and every one of you I hope my blog helps to empower you somehow.

The same beginning but a new mindset

 

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As I write this I realise I haven’t blogged in quite a bit-needless to say, a lot has happened in my life, I feel like I have grown so much in my perspectives of life.

Last year was ROUGH, I  went through many painful transitions but God saw me through each and every one of them, I didn’t realise how broken I  was. I will elaborate at a later stage what I went through,for now I have accepted and I am at peace and for me that means so much right now.

I once watched this video that states that everyone is in their own time zone in life. Basically it’s similiar to saying one must run their own race. I didn’t really take it to heart then but this year I am able to appreciate that phrase so much more.

‘Our journey in life is different : we are not made to be identical, we aren’t made to look the same , get married at the same time; our uniqueness affords for us to reach certain milestones at different times of our lives.

Make peace with how your life looks currently, make peace with the stage you are in currently-will it change?

Yes, ofcourse! You aren’t 2 years anymore right? You grew up and started making up your own mind and forming your own views on things-life has progressed, so why do you feel like you haven’t progressed? The problem we all have is that we want to be better or further than someone who we think has it all together,that’s the issue we all have-competitiveness and feelings of inadequacy.

Accept the stage of your life you are in, it doesn’t mean that it won’t change, but accept that currently this is YOUR time zone,it’ll change as you transition to different phases of your life.

One way I have helped myself to accept my stage of my life is by really truly being in it: I limit the people who have access to my phase-I believe in rising silently. The people who are in my life currently are people God has allowed in and trust me they are helping me towards the next phase of my life.

The other way I help myself to accept the stage I am in is by limiting my exposure to people who are in time zones that I aspire to be in. I realised this created feelings of inadequacy and feelings of stagnancy which were all not true-I couldn’t appreciate my own growth because I was too focused on other people, I made those people my standard instead of focusing on the standard God has set for my life-Jesus!

The last way I have accepted my own time zone is by relishing in my achievements at that moment. I introspect on my victories and take all of them in. My husband always says when life throws a curveball-take out your trophies of life and see what God has pulled you from,derive joy and strength for the challenge from there.

Can I tell you something?

You have survived heavy ordeals, made mistakes but overcame; survived brokenness and shame, tripped and fell-sometimes you stayed in the muck, sometimes you joined others in their muck-but you got up, you picked yourself up with the little endurance left and kept on moving forward-you proved to yourself and to everyone else that the fight in you is still intact and you aren’t ready to quit!

You aren’t a quitter, grab your big girl or boy underwear and keep moving!

You are doing well!

You are making it!

Keep going!

Loneliness: a void so deep…who can fill it

 

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I was watching a documentary on Michael Jackson recently and it essentially documented his life and struggles. The part that touched me so deeply was how lonely this man was. Some people saw him like a god-he was worshiped,loved and praised but in all that he had one thing that plagued him deeply-loneliness.

No matter how much money you have, there is no ailment for this condition. Loneliness can erode one’s perspective and the reason I say this is because of the choices I and so many people have made.

I recently met a lady who was lamenting the years she lost after being in a relationship that yielded pain and hurt-I looked into her eyes and I saw disfigurement-brokenness. I questioned myself after hearing her story and I thought to myself -what would make a person stay in such a relationship if she saw what it was doing to her-and I realised that it was the fear of loneliness, she chose to stay because being apart from him scared her so much so that she took whatever abuse was hurled at her.

The thing about loneliness is how it creeps into your soul, one moment you are joyous and ecstatic and in a split second-you have this severe depression and longing-sometimes you don’t know what you are longing for but this overwhelming feeling of sadness overtakes you and you start yearning for someone to share life with; loneliness can drive you to settle for just about anybody because of that need for companionship and love.

Loneliness is scary because it can lead us to make wrong decisions to try and fill a void that may have been there for many years.

I remember how loneliness drove me into a deep depression, so much so that I stopped attending lectures at varsity and I took on an identity that was never mine-I started to listen to the voice of the enemy that told me that I am ugly, that no one will want to marry me, that I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s love and affection. I remember how broken I became because I had listened to these voices-I remember how lonely I was because by listening to these voices I drove myself into isolation.

Beloved in that moment-only Jesus could get me out, and he did!

I remember how tears became my prayer because words stung my heart too much to be uttered. I recall asking God if this is all I am worth-if my value was reduced to nothing, if I was born to be alone. Just writing this I can feel the raw pain that I felt on that day.

I don’t know where you are at in your life, I don’t know what the enemy has said to you; but I do know of a God so great who overcame all the hurt and pain in this world and his name is Jesus. Jesus honestly filled the void that no man could ever fill. Jesus continues to pour out a love so strong on me that in the times that I choose to be alone-I never feel lonely.

Maybe you are hoping to feel alive again,maybe you are hoping to feel loved again-I don’t know; but what I do know is that you matter so much to God and he will heal those wounds and he will fill that loneliness.

Turn to him, his arms are always open.

(Romans 10: 9-11)