Pressing on…

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I have had to reflect  a lot this year, I have had to ask myself some deep questions; one of those questions was why do I actually believe in God-why do I actually declare Jesus to those I meet?

Worldly pressures at times can throw you in a place whereby walking away from God seems like the better option- holding onto your own strength and might seems better than trusting in a God who says is with you but whom you have never seen! I mean-why am I enduring troubles-why am I being patient in the midst of persecution? Essentially-why do I endure all that I do hoping that tomorrow will be better-what I am hoping for actually?

Friend, have you been so challenged in your life that you feel like everything will shatter around you but for some odd reason-you still continue, you still press on, you don’t understand how you are still moving, but you are just putting one foot in front of the other?

There came a point in my life whereby I asked God how he allowed me to be in the career I am in when at times  it feels like I am being thrown in a cage full of lions-everyday, and he expects me to keep moving-regardless of the trials I face! Sometimes I want to run-but I cannot, sometimes I want to hide-but this force within me says:  you aren’t born to hide, sometimes I want to be complacent but a voice within me says:  do everything as if it is unto me! I have wrestled with God  , I have begged, I have stopped praying, I have fasted for God to take me out, but one thing remained-God said I will overcome!

There are scriptures I read when I was happy and let me tell you something, the word of God sinks even deeper when we are hard-pressed, there is something about pressure that causes our hearts to yield more to God’s word. One of those scriptures was in James where he says we must count it all joy when we face trials of many kinds-for our faith is being made strong ( James 1:2).

Man, if you read that scripture to me a couple of months ago-I would’ve decorated it and posted it on my Facebook page with smiley faces because it sounds really nice, fast track to now- it is as real to me as the air I breath, it is so real because I am realising that my joy truly is not tied to the things of this world-God is allowing me to face what I face so that I can actually disengage my soul from being tied to what my flesh is tied to. The Lord says don’t fear the one who can destroy the flesh-fear the one who can destroy both the soul and flesh( Matthew 10:28).

Essentially I believe in God because truly there are things I have tried to do in my own strength in which I have found myself fail. There are things I have tried to pursue in my own strength only to have those doors closed when I had been so sure that they were opened! God has humbled me in a way only I can understand. I declare his name to those who don’t know it because truly he has transformed my way of thinking. I go through hard times but I always know that I will make it because each and every word he has spoken in the Bible has come true in my life. I have tried and tested the word of God and let me tell you-it is always correct! God’s word can’t fail-it will never fail.

I can go through trials and be hard-pressed knowing deep down that the Lord is holding my hand-he promised to never forsake or leave me.

I may face the lions everyday but none is greater than the Lion of Judah-none has overcome him, I carry his name, I am covered by his blood and I am guided by his spirit! The darkness was overcome more than 2000 years ago-God knows that even if the darkness threatens to consume us-it can’t because it was defeated! He can allow us to face the darkness because he knows that his light is greater and it already consumed it.

I believe because I have seen the Light, I believe because I am a light-I believe because I belong to the Light!

Blessings

 

I DON’T LIKE YOU!

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I struggle to understand why we hurt ourselves so much by doing this-forcing people to like us.  I want you to take the time to think about someone you dislike, is there ANYTHING that person can do to make you like them? Chances are…nothing right? Then why bother trying to be liked by someone who dislikes you?

We spend energy, time, and sometimes money impressing people who really don’t get moved by our presence. Think about that, their lives don’t get moved by your presence-meaning they don’t even acknowledge your existence! They really don’t care about you-but there you are breaking your back forcing yourself to be liked when essentially-you aren’t!

Let me ask you again, why do you bother?

You bother because you want affirmation: you want to be acknowledged by them, they hold some power over your life and you want to feel accepted, loved and normal. Someone out there holds your value in their hands because you have given your value over to them.

 What if someone valued you so much that they weren’t moved by your mistakes or any flaws that form who you are?

Thing is beloved you already ARE loved, you already ARE accepted and most of all Jesus doesn’t even want anything in return. You are loved unconditionally, no river is too wide, ocean too deep, mountain too high to express the depth, height, and width that is found in God’s love.

If you are cheapening yourself by thinking that you can buy acceptance then you are living a lie. Emotions can’t be bought, they are felt.Love cannot be expressed only- it is experienced.

When people love you their actions will demonstrate what’s in their hearts.

STOP focusing on people who are blocking your progression, if someone doesn’t like you, please send them off with a a basket full of goodies for their journey, why be bitter when they are creating space for a truckload of blessings?

Get to a point in your life whereby people’s departure out of your life doesn’t cause you to have a breakdown.

Always assess, if you did all you could and were not at fault-PLEASE open the front door FOR THEM and wish them well.

Let go of what needs to go and embrace what is coming to bless you.

You are enough
You are loved
You are priceless, treat yourself as such

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When we exclude God from our relationship

Image result for wrong relationshipI am meeting people who are in relationships that God did not send them to be in. I am meeting people who are miserable in their marriages-they had this idea that marriage was going to be a dream, effortless and instant.

Marriage with the right person is a dream, our problem is that we are becoming an impatient generation- we assess people by having our own check boxes that must be ticked off to fulfill our criteria , we claim to have consulted God but we find that the person we chose fulfills the whole checklist except being grounded in God. We are okay with dating and even marrying people who are not saved, we are okay with sidelining God in the dating process and wonder when the marriage doesn’t work out why God would lead us into that relationship.

The beautiful character of God is that he will never override your decision, we instead choose to be with people who are abusive, we choose to be with people who don’t fulfill their promises to us by allowing them to  strip us of our dignity for a moment’s pleasure.

Marriage is becoming like a drive-through, people want their needs fulfilled at no consideration of the other person; when their needs aren’t fulfilled they go outside and find someone else to fulfill their needs and forget about their vows. Vows don’t mean anything anymore-being bound by your words has no standing anymore.

You might ask- “when did we become like this?”

We became like this the moment we chose to remove God from our decision-making, we became like this the moment we sidelined God in our lives; some of us box God in and expect him to work in every area of our lives except our relationship life-we purposefully exclude God and wonder why that area is failing.

The people who I have spoken to whose relationships didn’t work out say that they suspected that the people they were with were not authentic, most say they knew, but they hoped for change.  I am seeing a pattern being formed-most people knew that the person they were with was not the real deal-so my question then is – why be with someone who God has warned you to stay away from? Why proceed into getting into a spiritual union knowing fully well that this person isn’t the one for you?

God has shown me that I too am not different from the people I am talking about in the above paragraph- I too chose to be with people who God had told me to stay away from and I too made mistakes by thinking that I could change the people I dated to become someone I wanted. God also showed me that the way I was so deceived I even thought that by dragging someone to the altar to receive the Lord Jesus into their lives would lead to all the tick boxes being fulfilled when in actual fact I hadn’t even discerned their heart (and mine) was not even centred on the Lord.

We choose people based on outwardly appearances- we go after the shine and not the heart, we go after the status and not the character, we go after the feelings and neglect the warning signs, we run after how great our Instagram and Facebook feed will look with them instead of chasing after the wisdom of God in discerning their motives. We trade our souls to become the envy of the world, we relentlessly pursue someone who beats us up-physically and emotionally because we believe that we are more valuable as people when we are with them-forgetting about the one true love that relentlessly pursues us even when we willfully walk away to pursue what breaks us.

Beloved, you don’t deserve heartache and abuse. You don’t deserve to be someone’s second-best when God has made you his first choice. My hope for you is to turn to God for help, run back into the arms of your first love-trust Him to lead and guide you again by submitting to his will. The things of God may appear to take time but his timing is purposeful, his timing is perfect.

Only God changes people, only God can tough people;s hearts to be completely transformed.

Hear the Lord’s voice today and make the necessary changes.

( Picture credit : tamcounseling.com)

 

 

 

 

 

Growth

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I decided to read some of my blog posts and I even went searching for previous attempts that I had posted on other sites…I just smiled.

I smiled because I was taken aback at the growth. I cant begin to explain how good it feels to literally see my growth and to know that I’m still growing. I started blogging as a challenge really-I wanted to prove to myself if I would be faithful in writing. I needed an outlet and I started blogging more for myself than anything else-I even tried to hide away my posts because I just wanted to release that energy-so I always wrote from fear-fear that someone might discover me, fear that someone might see my writings; so I wasn’t really as free as I am now.

You might ask-why didn’t you just get a journal then Fez. Well, I did hahahaha, but I always knew that God gave me this gift so I thought-if someone discovers my writings atleast it will bring them closer to God.

I stopped blogging because I stopped believing in myself. I found myself comparing myself to people who were more experienced with blogging and I felt like I will never be as good and confident in how I write-so I stopped, sadly.

I was sad because writing offered me the space to really share my heart. I write letters to God sometimes when I struggle to articulate my prayers with speech. Writing affords me the opportunity to really process what I am going through-some of my posts were written when things were really tough in my life-whereby I didn’t see things changing. I wrote them because I had hope that things would change. I read them now and I am in awe in how God is ever faithful, that even when we don’t understand-He always has the best intentions.

Friend, I am in a great place in life right now-things aren’t perfect but I am growing closer and closer to the Lord, I know Him better than I did last year. he has caused me to grow up faster than I had anticipated. He urges me to reach out more to others more than I would like to sometimes-but I am glad he pushes me because everyone I met has a divine appointment and assignment in my life.

My roots are more secure now-the wind does try to beat me down BUT the difference is that I am never uprooted from God- I am never uprooted out of his love and grace.

I have this palpable love for the Lord-it overwhelms me sometimes. I think about him often, He consumes me daily. I have conversations with Him knowing that he is right there-I don’t convince myself anymore that he is listening, I now know that He is.

I don’t walk around wishing that people would affirm me-I walk around now knowing that I am important-not to the world but to my Father, I matter to him. I walk with certainty about the love that he has for me.

I could go on and on but all I know is that there is maturity now – what’s beautiful with God is that it’s never stagnant-growth is progressive.

My hope for you is that you would encounter the depth of God’s love-that the height and breadth of it would just overwhelm you. My hope is that you would be lost in the indescribable love that strips fear ,that tears doubt up, that shakes hopelessness and that destroys separation.

Friend-things will get better-they always do! The process may be painful, but it will end-it has to end. You are growing-pain is part of the process but the beauty is the fruit that’ll come out of that.

A seed has to break before a bud comes forth.

You are growing-prepare for your bud, prepare for your fruit-prepare for your harvest.

Prepare for your Savior – keeping in mind that was in in Heaven is PREPARED for you, it’s nothing compared to what you have ever imagined.

    (Image: newbeginningssc.org)

Let it go…forgive

 

I was that person who speaks about letting go and forgiving, I was that person who would open up scriptures urging others to forgive and showing them the importance of letting go-until I had to forgive someone.

Friends, forgiveness is not easy-forgiveness doesn’t make sense at all. Forgiveness is not something that one excels in-no matter how many times you can preach about it-until you are faced with forgiving someone, it’s not easy.

Can I just be real and transparent?

I knew I was carrying something heavy, I knew that I couldn’t keep holding that load-I felt like the other person was wrong and it was unfair that no one could see the wrong that was done to me-everyone continued being happy and even entertaining the other person whilst I had to carry this load all by myself. Unforgiveness is like poison-it eats away at you from inside, it destroys parts of you-it makes you have a distorted view of things-you are filled with anger and that quickly turns into bitterness especially when the person who wronged you is going about their life  joyously as if nothing is wrong.

Friends I was busy looking for sympathy from others when I could’ve turned to Jesus immediately. Look at Jesus on the cross-immediately, he cried out to his father to forgive those who crucified him-he prayed for us in a moment when he could’ve been angry, bitter and unforgiving. He didn’t look for sympathy from God-he cried out for us in that moment!

I cried out to God eventually, I wish I had started there initially. I look back now and I won’t describe what this person did because it’s really not worth it anymore. What I am angry about is that it took me some time to deal with this situation, I am upset that I allowed myself to be held captive when I am free. I put myself in a prison when I am no longer a slave.

I just cried out to my Father, I just cried and cried because I know he knows how heartbroken I truly was especially because I love this person dearly. I asked the Lord to forgive me for holding onto this, I asked him to give me strength to truly let it go. As I am typing this I am tempted to expose this person-but Jesus keeps saying let it go.

Forgiveness really isn’t about the other person-it’s about you! Forgiveness allows you to roam in the presence of God freely knowing that your conscience is clear before him. Forgiveness allows you to give the person over to God and to allow him to deal with the situation the way he sees fit and to trust that it will be the best way.

The question I had to the Lord was how do I interact with this person since they are a part of my life- and he said: ” see me in them”. I wailed! I cried so much because the Lord is asking me to extend love-unconditional love to that person. The hardship about this statement is that I know in my own strength I can’t-my flesh still wants to hurt them back, but I know that with Jesus all things are possible- I know that by his Spirit I can and will do this.

I am not a perfect person,  I write these posts because I am a real person who goes through hardship and testing of character. I have a real relationship with Jesus and sometimes it gets really hard like now-but what matters to God is the willingness to trust Him in every situation.

Sharing this experience with you has helped me to really deal with my heart-to really be transparent with the moments I have felt like giving in, sharing this experience has brought healing into my heart because I am reminded of my worth in Christ-He forgave me when I didn’t even know that I had wronged him, he forgave me when I was going about my life not even considering his heart, he forgave me anyway.

Who am I not to do the same?

 

Do you trust Him?

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Today I woke up with an urgency to go to church. I felt like God had something he wanted me to do, I just had an expectation of him.

 

It was a different Sunday service, we submitted ourselves to the Holy Spirit and decided to intercede before the service started, and one of the prayer points this morning was specifically for the worship team-that they may be completely dependent on the Lord, that they may worship the Lord in Spirit and in Truth, that they may give all the glory to the Lord. Beloved- I believed that Jesus was before us this morning, that he was hearing every word we spoke, that our prayers were like incense before him- a sweet aroma in his throneroom.

 

As we were worshipping, a man came into the church, he pointed at the drums, I can’t begin to describe the boldness he came in with, he walked in as if he was sent. I looked at him and had peace, I pointed at him to go play and the way he played was not for us to glorify him, he was so lost in the presence of God, it’s like he was seeing Jesus before him and he was playing with everything he had. The worship team ushered us into his presence, you could almost feel God today. He spoke so tangibly.

 

He gave me a word, and I knew I had to act, that I had to give it to the person he showed me.

 

What God hadn’t told me was that the person he was sending me to give him the word was already expecting a word from someone, God told him to wait as his word was coming to him. The person was instructed to wait.

 

Friend, don’t ever delay when God tells you to give a word to someone. You don’t know what God is about to do in that person’s life-you don’t know what work he is doing in that person’s life.

 

The person was expectant beloved, you see the thing about God is that he never lies to us, he is trustworthy, he knows that his word will do what it was purposed to do.

 

I arrived and the person told me how God had already started to speak to them, how God was preparing them. Friend, as we prayed there was a heaviness in my heart-the heaviness was that in as much as the person was prepared for the word, they were not prepared for the miracle that God had for them. I weeped friend, I weeped because I could feel the Lord’s heart, I felt how much unbelief breaks his heart, I felt how disappointed he gets when we don’t trust in Him.

 

Beloved, my request to you is this- repent of unbelief, repent of depending on yourself, repent of trusting in God half-heartedly, rather pray that he strengthens your faith, rather be transparent before the Lord than lie about your heart condition.

 

My hope for you is that you may know that Jesus is real: his promises are real, his love is real, he is ever faithful, there is no lie in Him. Will you trust in Him with everything, will you stand before him with open arms and an open heart? He is waiting for you to believe Him wholeheartedly.

 

Pray knowing that it is done.

  (picture credit: caryschimdt.com)

 

God has not forgotten YOU!

Ever felt forgotten by God? Felt like your prayers are reaching the ceiling? Maybe you feel like praying, but when you get to your prayer room – you feel helpless, you feel like what’s the point!

Maybe you have been praying for many years for change in your life, you see your peers advancing however you feel stuck, like you are still in the same position. Maybe you have tried everything you know how- you have prayed,fasted faithfully but you are still in this dry place whereby you feel like everyone else is prospering around you but you are left behind.

I can understand the anguish you feel because I was there. I know the overwhelming feeling of depression that envelopes you-that feeling of utter helplessness. You want to pray but only tears come, you try to sing but no words come out-only shouts of frustration. I know that feeling of bitterness that tries to creep in – the anger you start to feel towards the Lord.

To make matters worse, just when you feel like you have gotten yourself together, someone comes and exclaims how far they are in life and how they are surprised that  you are still in the same place. I remember a time when someone I knew said to me after they graduated : ” you are STILL studying? Anyway, don’t worry- I will be ‘sponsoring’ your bus tickets from now on.” That sarcastic statement is still a wound to me because that was the first time in my life I felt a sense of despair, I felt numb because I was always wondering if I was going to finish my degree, it was tough and at times I was filled with self-doubt, always wondering if I was going to pass and then just when I had gathered  myself together, someone comes and knocks that little bit of confidence down.

I want to tell you something- you will make it, you will succeed, you will move out of this wilderness. What you don’t understand about this season is the training that you are receiving. You are being trained to develop thick-skin, you are being trained to rely solely on God, you are being trained to trust God more! Your reality may scream that things are hopeless right now, your reality may tell you that you are useless, that you are nothing, that you are a failure BUT this is a test my dear friend to arm yourself.

Some of us don’t know that we are in a battle- a battle for our minds, joy and ultimately soul! Whether you like it or not-someone is fighting you- it’s time that you caught up with the times and started to fight! The thing though about this fight is that you don’t fight the way everyone does by throwing punches or hurling insults-no! You fight by wearing your spiritual armour (Ephesians 6). You fight by declaring the word over your situation, you fight by singing praises to God. You fight through prayer- if you can’t pray- ask someone to pray with you or for you. You fight by reading the word of God and seeing what he says about your situation.

Whenever you feel helpless and hopeless it means that your enemy has punched you to the point whereby you can’t get up, every time you try to get up you feel weaker than when you were down! The enemy doesn’t want you to get up, he will continuously punch you down until you tap out- tap out from God’s presence, tap out from his love, tap out from trusting him again, tap out from worshiping him.

Stop fighting the devil in your own strength, stop trying to rely on your yourself! You have a God who wants to help you, He wants to see you get out of this wilderness, He wants to walk with you, fight for you and continue showering his love on you! Trust in Him to do that, trust the Lord’s heart for your cause.

You are not a failure!

You are not forgotten

God has your name written on the palm of his hand (Isaiah 49:16)

Stay strong, your testimony is coming!

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